Saying Goodbye to IH

I've been re-evaluating my life and priorities and had to make some tough decisions after being faced with the ugly truth of what being an indie Christian artist means. A part of my foray into the world of Indie Christian music was being a part of an organization called Indieheaven. It is an organization that supports and educates indie Christian artists. As a member of Indieheaven for the past three years, I have championed it’s cause and told everyone I know about it. Every radio show, church and special event that I’ve sung at, I have promoted Indieheaven in my own way.

There have been so many artists that have inspired and influenced me in one way or another by being a part of Indieheaven. Those people include Sean Smith, Brad Reynolds, Tory Dardar and Broken Vessels, Mile 7, Bill Petty, Drew Davidsen, Becky Carey, Tricia Zody, Cynthia Miller, Anita Ferrer, Larry French, Harry Offutt, Sandi Simon, Mindy Boyd, Jamie Thietten, Katrina Stone and most recently Zach Dodd, Gabriel de la Garza, Stevvi Alexander and Naima Johnston. There are so many others I know I’m forgetting that have touched me and for that I am truly grateful. Being a part of IH has taught me so much about the industry and about people. We’ve had some amazing times on the IH Network and it has been an honor to call these people "family" for the past three years.

Having been asked asked why I'm leaving IH, I've been faced with asking myself the same question and making sure that I'm satisfied with the answer. I want to make it very clear, before anyone else feels the need to answer that question, that I am not disgruntled. I am not leaving because “I didn’t make the Top 20.”, because I have made the Top 20 and was on it for several months in 2008. I am not leaving because “I didn’t get enough help or handouts as an artist.” because I did. Keith Mohr has been very generous in his counsel and by making me a staff pick early on in my time with IH. I am not leaving because, “No one’s listening to my music.”, because they are…Since the inception of the Top Songs Chart; I've had the #1 Blues Song, #1 Southern Gospel Song, #1 Inspirational Song, #2 Inspirational Song and #2 Pop Song. And finally, I am not leaving because “I didn’t win a Momentum award.” What I’ve come to realize about these accomplishments and accolades is that they mean nothing. They’re just things. Even being nominated, turns out, meant nothing.

I think that I’ve seen a lot of the world in the indie-stry. For the most part, I’ve always been a goody-two-shoes, more naïve than street smart. That is until I saw the underbelly of the beast. Things are never what they appear to be when they appear to be perfect or Godly. I’ve seen this in churches and Christian organizations and yes, in Godly men that I looked up to.

I would rather work in the secular industry because at least there I know I’ll be dealing with “honest liars” and not wolves in pastor’s clothing. I am no angel, by any means, but I can spot a shady character from a mile away and I’d rather not get taken emotionally, financially and spiritually again.

When a friend stops acting like a friend and uses disparaging words in a hurtful and demeaning way, it is time to say enough. I've struggled my whole life with certain issues and when someone does the very thing that has eaten away at the core of my being, it's time to say enough.

What happens when the president of a Christian organization, who says all he cares about is the ministry, calls you out on your issues when shared in confidence? What happens when in a confrontation he chastises you for making observations he didn't like? What happens when a gay joke is no longer a joke but an insult?

There is nothing worse than a bully. In fact, I wrote a song about it. I refuse to sit by and watch people call themselves ministers while being bullies behind the scenes. Time and again, I've been said to want attention and not be singing for the right reason and the truth is my reasons were selfish. I sing because when I do it's the closest I feel to God. I've never felt like a minister or a preacher even though I've had alot to say at times. The ministry is the icing on the cake to me, not the whole enchilada.

So until I feel the call again, I am saying goodbye to Indieheaven and the world of Indie Christian Music.

I am, however, working on some new music and yes, scripts for a one-man show and a show for a small ensemble. It's funny how God gives you what you need for what He wants you to be doing at the time you're supposed to be doing it in.

Forgive and Forget

In relationships, I have always been the instigator. I'm the one that makes the phone calls to see how things are going, to catch up on the latest news and to make plans for get-togethers or events. Anytime I've made a friend and they've said, "keep in touch!"...I actually do keep in touch! With all of today's technology and modern-day conveniences, there's no excuse not to stay in touch which led me to a sad and startling discovery.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is hard to get a hold of and he was texting. He's a big texter as am I. Within the timespan of an hour, he must've ignored almost 4 calls that came through. I answered two calls that came through for me. We weren't working or doing anything important.

I have another friend who is incredibly busy and is also a texting fiend. On average she recieves about 10 text messages an hour, several emails and numerous phone calls all from different people. Her phone is constantly letting her know that she's "Got some mail!" in 4 part harmony. The difference between her and my other friend is that she ALWAYS returns the call, text or email. ALWAYS. Now, there've been times when she simply turns her phone off for a few days and unplugs herself from the matrix. But she always let's me know beforehand that she's going to be unplugging. Granted, I'm more important to her than most people as I am her best friend.

Let me mention this though...the other friend is also one of my best friends! Wowza! I've had to learn with certain friends, even close friends, that they are not phone people. Or they don't have that personality trait that puts "calling your friends" in the list of important priorities. There was a time when I would get very upset and threaten to end friendships over a lack of communication. I used to quote the break-up argument from "Friends" where Ross tells Rachel, "I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine!"

However, I've always been taught to forgive people. Forgive them of things that they may not know they're doing. Of course, we all have a choice to either let them have a pass and to have a conversation about it or to end the relationship. I've done both.

There are some friends now that I refuse to call. It's too convenient to let them off the hook that easily. These are the ones I've had that conversation with. Some have now become Facebook communicators. Apparently it's easier than a phone conversation. But hey, I'll take it! Others have disappeared altogether, literally as if they never existed.

I said good-bye to a friendship that was wonderful for about a year and then was very hurt by how I was ignored even while wanting to share some success with them. In my heart, I truly let go of them and never wanted to look back. Now, they're back and wanting to, it seems, flaunt they're new success in my face. I was a part of setting the foundation for that success. However, the way in which I was ignored and cast off was hurtful and helped in setting the way I handle friendships now.

I've become a cut-and-paster. If someone chooses not to stay in touch with me, for whatever reason, after giving them the benefit of the doubt twice, I'll cut them out of my life. At that point, it's up to them to make contact and stay in contact. I've had some success in bringing awareness to certain friends about their lack of communication and they've changed. Others have faded into a distant memory.

That's what I'd thought had happened with these friends. I've been conflicted as to whether or not to rekindle that friendship. After thinking about it and reflecting on our brief interaction, it seemed to be a one-way street again. This time, they're not interested in my life or what I've been up to. All they seem to care about is playing the game of "Look at me now!" I hate that game. It's no fun unless everybody wins.

And so in the famous words of Lauren Conrad, "The only thing, really, that there is to do is to forgive and forget. So I really do, I want to forgive you and I want to forget you."

Dreaming Young

Last night I went to a friend's graduation/birthday party. She was one of my voice students in 2003 and 6 years later, she's 18 and majoring in Vocal Performance. Having come from a musical family, she has a beautifully classical voice. I'm very proud of her.

I was hesitant about being in a room full of 18/19 year olds and adult strangers that I didn't know. Her Mom, an AMAZING soprano, assured me that there was nothing to worry about and that I'd have fun. In normal Leo-style, I was myself and realized there was nothing to worry about since most of these kids would've been my friends in high school. They were the theatre crowd. The Drama Dorks, And boy, did it feel good to be able to dork out singing to karaoke tracks of hit songs from Wicked, Chicago and RENT.

These kids are super-talented. I liked glancing at each of them every so often and imagining who they'll be when they're my age. Four of the kids stood out to me as being determined to reach their dreams...even if they didn't know what they were yet. There was Lauren, the guest of honor at the party. She has a beautiful voice and is an awesome actress. Then there was Taylor, who's singing is effortless and not to mention she's cute as a button. The boy of the bunch is Blake. He has that infectious type of personality that'll win him friends as well as fans. Finally, Autumn, with her beautiful face and statuesque frame. Immediately, my mind went to all of the photo shoot scenarios I could put her in and I prayed that I had just found my new muse. Seriously, this girl excudes Old Hollywood Glamour. She can't help it!

I told myself that if presented with the opportunity, I'd find a way to have a "shoulda-coulda-woulda" talk with them. I really wanted to impart the wisdom of making the right choices when you're in the thick of it. I let them know how important getting your education is and how staying focused is really the key to finishing school.

Looking back at my life, there are so many things I'd do differently if presented with the same choices. A lot of the harmful circumstances in my life came as a result of choices I'd made thinking of other people and not of myself. So, I felt like I needed to let them know to think about what they want for their lives before thinking of what others might want for them. For example, my Dad wanted me to be an Opera Singer, Mom wanted be to be a recording artist. I want/ed to be an actor...singer...writer.

My point is to follow your own path. I spent years adhering to what others thought was best for me instead of trusting my instinct which was telling me what I was good at, what I'd excel in and what I'd succeed at. How did I go from being a Music Major with a 2.5 GPA to a Theater Arts Major on the Dean's List and not realize this was the Universe's way of saying "SING OUT, LOUISE!" Nothing has ever moved me like the power of music and theater. When the right actor meets the magic note voiced through the perfect lyric, life is created. I was on the right path, I just needed to pay closer attention!

A great example of someone who follows their own path is my sister. When she was little, she'd mentioned wanting to be a lawyer and she was a terrific gymnast. But at some point in her seconday education, she decided she wanted to be an account. Now she's a junior accountant at a successful accounting firm that has wine tastings for people's birthdays and celebrated the end of tax season with a margarita party. Her path led her to what she was good at and would succeed in.

It all boils down to how hard you're willing to work for it. What will it take to make you want it enough to work that much harder for it. Less than 10 years ago, I was working my butt off, going from show to rehearsal to show to rehearsal, literally living my dream. I was given the opportunity to stay on with a local musical theatre company and decided not to. Today, that company has grown and takes very good care of their actors. I made the wrong choice. I wasn't patient enough to wait for the spotlight to come to me, I wanted to go to it. That's not how it works. All we can do is set the stage, be prepared and be ready for when the spotlight comes to us.

Gourmet Hot Water

Today my Mom and I went to one of my favorite grocery stores to get some fresh food which can be more expensive but is tastier and worth it in the end. We went to H.E.B.'s Central Market here in Katy. It's a rather new store in that it's been open for less than two years. Our small town is booming and new retailers are springing up all over!

That being said, since I was a child, I've never understood how one store can sell the same item as another store and sell it for a higher price. It's not until now that I understand that it costs money to have a sushi-chef, a tortilla-maker and a pastry chef practically on-call, every day at your store. It also costs money to sell imported wine and beer as well as have an a la carte olive bar, cereal bar, whole grain bar, and candy bar. Don't even get me started on their amazing deli, stinky cheese and all. My favorite thing about this store has to be their gourmet foods deli. You can get the same entire meal at H.E.B.'s Central Market that you would get at a high-end restaurant only for a less expensive price. It's awesome!

However, as I paid the cashier for my "fresh" New England Clam Chowder, I realized why I don't shop here more often. It also costs money to hire snooty cashiers that turn their nose up at you if your paying cash because (in French, English and Valley Girl accent) "paying cash is so mid-'90's!" Actually I used four quarters to pay the .86 cents tacked on to the $18.oo price tag of my items. I thought she'd have a heart attack when she took one look at them as though I'd just put dog poo in her hands. Being human, my instinct is to react with an attitude however being me, I immediately attempted to kill her with kindness.

"I like your glasses!", I lied. They looked like something out of an '80's movie. What I really wanted to say was, "Hey lady, Estelle Getty called; she wants her glasses back!" I smiled stifling my internal laughter knowing that I was putting one over on her.

We walked out of the store and to my car and I was still a little miffed at our less-than-nice cashier. As we pulled out of the parking lot, I noticed a man in a very rusted-out Nissan very much like the one we had when I was in middle school. He was having trouble starting it. Here I was focusing on someone who was probably having a bad day and almost missing someone who was in need. Suddenly, my gourmet soup was just flavored hot water.

Youtube Obsession

I love Youtube. In fact, I have my own youtube channel and have some fun videos up there for the world to see and ridicule. www.youtube.com/leolaredomusic I'll be starting another one soon that'll be exclusively for blog/vlogging purposes.

Youtube is one of my daily visits and I'm always on the lookout for funny videos or crazy moments caught on video...like this one...

So Funny! Good thing she didn't actually shoot the gun while being scared out of her mind! Could've been dangerous.

But what I really love finding are performers in the musical theatre genre that move and inspire me. That's how I found Scott Alan, who's music is amazing and can be found on iTunes and CDbaby. Another awesome video artist and songwriter is Shelly Bort. Her lyrics are amazing and her musical style is exactly what I look for in a song. I can't wait for her to come out with an album. There's also Kooman and Dimond whose music has become my new obsession. So go to youtube.com and search for them. They're amazing!

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Server, Receptionist, Pots and Pans Salesman, Telemarketer, Bun Toaster, Photographer, Actor, Preschool Teacher, Speech Teacher, Drama and Music Teacher, Group Sales Manager, Clothing Retail Salesman, Stylist, Singing Telegram Deliverer, Custom Jewelry Designer...

McDonalds, T.G.I.Fridays, Old Navy, Kenneth Cole, Image Nation, etc.

These are occupations, job titles and companies I have worked for in the past 15 years. I am once again reinventing myself. I've been a singer since I was three but what I'm good at it and love and have a passion for is photography. I like shooting people and fashion the most. It's fun and can be very rewarding.

But what I've had a secret desire to do is wrote musical theatre. I was in my Aunt's pool tonight when suddenly these lyrics came to me. The idea of looking back at life and seeing what I could've done and who I could've been and putting it in a musical sounds awesome to me. What if you could live your life over and tell yourself to tell off the bully, or to eat healthier, floss and join the football team. What would you tell your kid-self to do differently?

Good Stress?

I have alot going on today but decided it was time to start blogging since I remembered how helpful it was to journal when I was a kid. I'm pretty stressed out over alot of different things in my life involving friends, career choices, money and family issues but for the most part I do my best to keep my head above water and a smile on my face as well as others. I made a very real decision when I was around the age of 12 to laugh and make others laugh for the sole purpose of masking the depression and loneliness I felt. 20 years later, I'm doing the exact same thing.

I'm one of those guys. 32, living at home, career-minded but not goal-oriented, unless something really gets in my brain creatively and then I'll do everything in my power to make it happen. What do I do, you ask? Its complicated. lol... I am a singer, songwriter, actor, playwright, producer, director, designer, choreographer and for the last 4 years...freelance photographer. Told ya it was complicated. Among other things, I've been a receptionist, kitchenware salesman and my favorite, Singing Telegram Deliverer.

I love being a creative person. I love being a dramatic person. You know, I actually had someone I dated get upset and tell me that when they were having a discussion with me, it felt like they were in a movie. I was like, "that's awesome!" lol. They weren't so thrilled.

Anyway, What do I have going on right now? Well, I'm in the process of working with several photography clients and I'm working on their shots. I'm also working with up-and-coming music sensation, Wendy Taylor, on her new EP and some concerts coming up this year. Officially, I'm one of her Vocal Producers. Unofficially, I'm her best friend. lol... Check out her music at www.myspace.com/newmusicstandard

Tonight, my producer, Alan Lett and I, will be working on tweaks for her new ballad. Should be good. Looking forward to it. For now, I need a Venti Chai Tea Latte on ice with an energy shot and a lemon tart or one of Leslee's awesome bacon, egg n' cheese sandwiches.