Drowning Nightmare...

It's 6:30 in the morning and I basically forced my self to wake up because of the dream I was having. It wasn't a bad dream to start. I was in a collegiate classroom environment alone and was constructing a saltwater aquarium of sorts. It was to display several forms of sealife demonstrating something or other and then I was to show my findings...or something. I don't know why but I started putting in these large sea creatures like starfish and then these other creatures that would feed off of them and at the end I had about 6 large shell-like creatures in the tank. Here's the catch, there wasn't any water in the tank. Turns out I was constructing all of this on a weird corkboard of sorts and then I put the whole thing into a tank. As I went to the front of the tank I discovered that one of the major pieces had fallen off and died. Suddenly the tank turns into a HUGE aquarium complete with scuba man and all. Apparently, I go nuts and look for locks to make sure the aquarium doesn't bust and get inside of the space that I'm in. I find some latches and shut them to make sure nothing ecapes the tank...including the scuba man. At first, it looked like the Scuba man was trying to help me and he was struggling to find a way into the space I was in. Suddenly, I AM the scuba man...drowning. That's when my subconscious man said, "WAKE UP!".

It's weird to have a dream like this especially since my best friend loves saltwater tanks and has 6 of them. She's literally about to get an octupus for crying out loud. The other strange reason for my having a drowning dream is because I love swimming and part of loving it is the fact that I get to act like a merman and stay underwater as long as I can. Another strange aspect to my having had this dream is the fact that at age 7 or 8, I actually did almost drown.

I was at the water's edge of a boat ramp getting three lil bait fish wet in hopes of reviving them. I was trying to perform a miracle. I had told my Dad that I was going to pray over them to bring them back to life. My Dad and his friends were packing up the boat and car, it was nightfall so it was already dark outside. As I inched my way closer and closer to the waters edge, I slipped on the algae into the water and proceeded to struggle to stay afloat. As I was going under, I remember vividly hearing my aunt's voice saying, "If you stay still, you'll float.". She had said this when we were swimming at a neighborhood pool. She was not actually there at the marina. So, I stayed still and sure enough I rose to the top. I then called for my Dad, who cannot swim at all. When he heard my voice, he came running and without a thought for his own safety, he jumped head-first into the water. He reached for me and we both floated there waiting for his friends to fish us out of the water. Which they did by throwing us a rope. I think another friend of Dad's also jumped in to help us knowing that Dad was not a swimmer.

I don't know why I have these weird dreams that bring back memories that are more than 25 years old. That memory actually brings back a flood of childhood memories that I'd rather not think about.

After having weird dreams like this, I often go to an online dream dictionary to find out what the heck it all means. I first looked up Aquarium: To see an aquarium in your dream, signifies that you have acknowledged your emotions but have not yet confronted them. Thus, it may refer to your unconscious thoughts or repressed sexual desires. Also, you may feel that your life is going no where or that you feel it is going in circles. Alternatively, the aquarium may indicate that you need to calm down and set some time for yourself to relax and unwind.

The bold hit me like a ton of bricks! It's exactly where I'm at right now! Second thing I looked up was Drowning: To dream that you are drowning, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions or repressed issues that are coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts. You should proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil. To see someone drowning in your dream, suggests that you are becoming too deeply involved in something that is beyond your control. Alternatively, it represents a sense of loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate who you are anymore. (Insert Twilight Show Theme Song Here)

That last little bit REALLY struck a chord with me. I'm very much in a weird place of trying to get out, struggling to breath, fighting to find a sense of self. There are other people in my life who know who they are and have come to terms with who and how God has made them. I still haven't but pray that I will soon.

It probably doesn't help that I had my headphones on while I was sleeping and was listening to the soundtrack of Pan's Labryinth. (Insert creepy music and weird horny fawn here).