Forgive and Forget

In relationships, I have always been the instigator. I'm the one that makes the phone calls to see how things are going, to catch up on the latest news and to make plans for get-togethers or events. Anytime I've made a friend and they've said, "keep in touch!"...I actually do keep in touch! With all of today's technology and modern-day conveniences, there's no excuse not to stay in touch which led me to a sad and startling discovery.

I was hanging out with a friend of mine who is hard to get a hold of and he was texting. He's a big texter as am I. Within the timespan of an hour, he must've ignored almost 4 calls that came through. I answered two calls that came through for me. We weren't working or doing anything important.

I have another friend who is incredibly busy and is also a texting fiend. On average she recieves about 10 text messages an hour, several emails and numerous phone calls all from different people. Her phone is constantly letting her know that she's "Got some mail!" in 4 part harmony. The difference between her and my other friend is that she ALWAYS returns the call, text or email. ALWAYS. Now, there've been times when she simply turns her phone off for a few days and unplugs herself from the matrix. But she always let's me know beforehand that she's going to be unplugging. Granted, I'm more important to her than most people as I am her best friend.

Let me mention this though...the other friend is also one of my best friends! Wowza! I've had to learn with certain friends, even close friends, that they are not phone people. Or they don't have that personality trait that puts "calling your friends" in the list of important priorities. There was a time when I would get very upset and threaten to end friendships over a lack of communication. I used to quote the break-up argument from "Friends" where Ross tells Rachel, "I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine!"

However, I've always been taught to forgive people. Forgive them of things that they may not know they're doing. Of course, we all have a choice to either let them have a pass and to have a conversation about it or to end the relationship. I've done both.

There are some friends now that I refuse to call. It's too convenient to let them off the hook that easily. These are the ones I've had that conversation with. Some have now become Facebook communicators. Apparently it's easier than a phone conversation. But hey, I'll take it! Others have disappeared altogether, literally as if they never existed.

I said good-bye to a friendship that was wonderful for about a year and then was very hurt by how I was ignored even while wanting to share some success with them. In my heart, I truly let go of them and never wanted to look back. Now, they're back and wanting to, it seems, flaunt they're new success in my face. I was a part of setting the foundation for that success. However, the way in which I was ignored and cast off was hurtful and helped in setting the way I handle friendships now.

I've become a cut-and-paster. If someone chooses not to stay in touch with me, for whatever reason, after giving them the benefit of the doubt twice, I'll cut them out of my life. At that point, it's up to them to make contact and stay in contact. I've had some success in bringing awareness to certain friends about their lack of communication and they've changed. Others have faded into a distant memory.

That's what I'd thought had happened with these friends. I've been conflicted as to whether or not to rekindle that friendship. After thinking about it and reflecting on our brief interaction, it seemed to be a one-way street again. This time, they're not interested in my life or what I've been up to. All they seem to care about is playing the game of "Look at me now!" I hate that game. It's no fun unless everybody wins.

And so in the famous words of Lauren Conrad, "The only thing, really, that there is to do is to forgive and forget. So I really do, I want to forgive you and I want to forget you."